I have no idea why I'm writing this on my blog, other than that I am stupendously bored and waiting for the next batch of family to arrive in 20 minutes or so. So, here is a list of the prezzies I got this xmas :)
From Family: -
1. A new camera (after I lost/broke 3 already. No idea why my parents risked a fourth, but I'm not complaining)
2. Artemis Fowl series (random, but whatever)
3. 2 Jonathan Stroud books (my fav author -- am kind of scared that one will be a disappointment, and so haven't risked reading it yet......)
4. Harry Potter 6 (a chance to mock the APPALLING acting of Ginny Weasley)
5. Marley and Me (weepfest)
6. Russell Howard Live: Dingledodies (watched it on xmas day -- HILARIOUS!!)
7. Ashes to Ashes, series 2 box set (long live Gene Hunt)
8. Ant and Dec's autobiography (pathetic, I do realise, but I do love them :))
9. Peter Kay's autobiography (just for a giggle)
10. Scouting For Girls album (possibly the most commercial band alive, but still a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine)
11. Chocolate (lots. Obviously)
12. Clothes (an inexplicably named 'boyfriend blazer', baggy comfy jumper and soft brown, marginally more stylish jumper)
13. Shoes (red heels and beautiful grey boots -- God love New Look's wide fit range)
14. Wicked mug (makes me smile everytime I have a cup of coffee :))
15. Mock the Week book (was reading this earlier today and snorted inelegantly just as grandma walked in, so she made me read it to her -- the joke involved gross sexual acts, the queen and swearing. Grandma was not amused)
16. Make-up pack (desperately needed)
From Friends: -
1. 2 tacky romance Julia Quinn novels (already read one -- was the cheesiest yet, and that is saying something)
2. Gene Hunt quote book (epic)
3. Wicked soundtrack (addictive)
4. Four Weddings and a Funeral sountrack (surprisingly good)
5. Cranford series (no words can satisfactorily describe my joy)
If you made it this far down this post, I offer my congratulations. You must be astoundingly bored too. I recommend Youtube. ;)
Sunday, 27 December 2009
Thursday, 10 December 2009
The five story endings and why only two should ever be used.....
Yesterday, my friend Roz and I went to the cinema (as we do every Wednesday because I have an Unlimited cinema card and she has orange Wednesdays) and saw - for lack of alternatives - Me and Orson Welles. Yes, shamefully, that is the Zac Efron one.
Now to be honest, the film itself wasn't too bad. The guy playing Orson Welles was truly awesome, Claire Danes was funny and Zac Efron was.....well, the guy playing Orson Welles was truly awesome. But on the whole the film had a lot going for it.....until the ending. It wasn't sad, it wasn't irritating, it just sort of...petered out. There was a definite conclusion, but it was a bit of a wet fart. This led, naturally, to a debate between myself and Roz on the different kinds of endings. We came up with five definitive categories, which are.....
1. Happy endings: e.g. Pretty Woman. The best. There's a solid conclusion, the threads are tied off and you watch the credits rolling up with a great big smile on your face. Almost every rom-com in the world has this ending, and anyone who doesn't like it is lying. And the best kind of happy endings, well, it's sealed with a kiss (bit of an in-joke there, sorry :P).
2. Profound/sad endings: e.g. The Green Mile. Now generally speaking I don't approve of endings that make me cry, but to be honest it's easily done, and the brutal truth is that some films just wouldn't work without a sad ending. I know it's depressing, but wouldn't it feel like a cop-out if Satine miraculously recovered, John Coffey was proven innocent and Juliet woke up in time to stop Romeo? So at the end you cry like a little baby, but you're not really surprised and you know that it had to happen. Sad, but true.
3. The nonexistent endings: e.g. The Golden Compass. I'm sorry, but it doesn't end, it just STOPS! They're so infuriating because there is no proper conclusion; you think that you're just reaching the middle of a very long film, and then the credits roll! I mean WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!
4. The writer-changed-his-mind-at-the-last-minute endings: e.g. (this one was added by Roz and I forgot the example she gave me :S.....they really irritate her though....). Basically, these are the ones wherein you were expecting a happy, cheerful, satisfying ending. But, at the last minute, everything suddenly changes, and before you have time to get your head around it the credits roll. With these you leave the cinema feeling just confused!
5. The wet fart endings: e.g. Me and Orson Welles. Pretty much described above. There's a conclusion and an ending, but you still leave the cinema feeling kind of unsatisfied...
So my (completely unqualified) advice to all future scriptwriters/authors is this: pick 1 or 2. Please, for the sake of anyone and everyone reading/watching, actually give your story and ending. Cheers muchly. :P
Now to be honest, the film itself wasn't too bad. The guy playing Orson Welles was truly awesome, Claire Danes was funny and Zac Efron was.....well, the guy playing Orson Welles was truly awesome. But on the whole the film had a lot going for it.....until the ending. It wasn't sad, it wasn't irritating, it just sort of...petered out. There was a definite conclusion, but it was a bit of a wet fart. This led, naturally, to a debate between myself and Roz on the different kinds of endings. We came up with five definitive categories, which are.....
1. Happy endings: e.g. Pretty Woman. The best. There's a solid conclusion, the threads are tied off and you watch the credits rolling up with a great big smile on your face. Almost every rom-com in the world has this ending, and anyone who doesn't like it is lying. And the best kind of happy endings, well, it's sealed with a kiss (bit of an in-joke there, sorry :P).
2. Profound/sad endings: e.g. The Green Mile. Now generally speaking I don't approve of endings that make me cry, but to be honest it's easily done, and the brutal truth is that some films just wouldn't work without a sad ending. I know it's depressing, but wouldn't it feel like a cop-out if Satine miraculously recovered, John Coffey was proven innocent and Juliet woke up in time to stop Romeo? So at the end you cry like a little baby, but you're not really surprised and you know that it had to happen. Sad, but true.
3. The nonexistent endings: e.g. The Golden Compass. I'm sorry, but it doesn't end, it just STOPS! They're so infuriating because there is no proper conclusion; you think that you're just reaching the middle of a very long film, and then the credits roll! I mean WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!
4. The writer-changed-his-mind-at-the-last-minute endings: e.g. (this one was added by Roz and I forgot the example she gave me :S.....they really irritate her though....). Basically, these are the ones wherein you were expecting a happy, cheerful, satisfying ending. But, at the last minute, everything suddenly changes, and before you have time to get your head around it the credits roll. With these you leave the cinema feeling just confused!
5. The wet fart endings: e.g. Me and Orson Welles. Pretty much described above. There's a conclusion and an ending, but you still leave the cinema feeling kind of unsatisfied...
So my (completely unqualified) advice to all future scriptwriters/authors is this: pick 1 or 2. Please, for the sake of anyone and everyone reading/watching, actually give your story and ending. Cheers muchly. :P
Saturday, 5 December 2009
Scrooges of the world, shut up and leave our festive spirit alone!
So, it's that time of year again. The lights, the presents, the food, the presents, the alcohol, the presents, the parties, the presents, the presents, the presents, the PRESENTS......
And not just the ones for myself. Naturally.
No, in all seriousness, I absolutely adore Christmas, and not just for the presents (which I'm not gonna lie, helps) but for the whole atmosphere. Birthdays are great because you spend a day being fantastically happy, but Christmas is so much greater because everybody is fantastically happy. It's the combination of everything that all comes together to culminate in the absolute best time of the year, and here's my little shortlist of what makes Christmas so awesome: -
1. Decorations - let's face it, who can walk past a fairylight-strewn, snowman model-adorned, wreath-smothered house without feeling just a little bit more cheerful? The Removal of the Christmas Decorations is quite possibly the most depressing day of the year (when I was little I used to lock myself in the bathroom and refuse to participate in such sacrilege), in the same way that putting them up is one of the most exciting.
2. Food - do I really need to explain this? Free chocolate, Yorkshire puddings and brandy cream - but not all together (hopefully that was obvious).
3. Family - Christmas day is a day that everyone should spend with their family, and my own Christmas is generally full of laughter, alcohol, drunk adults, superb food (a la my auntie) and hilarious games that get progressively louder as the night goes on.
4. Friends. Christmas party + alcohol + friends = comedy. Lots and lot of comedy.
5. Weather - now I know that everybody hates December weather; it's cold and wet, but when I refer to weather I'm talking about what you hope the weather will be, rather than what it is. Every year, people hear the word 'snow' on the weather forecast, completely tune out and subsequently ring everyone in the phonebook, informing them that this year it really will be a white christmas, and you know so because it was on BBC News. What you missed was the fact that they actually said "Snow is a possbility for the highlands in and around Scotland," but, despite the fact that it has never happened before, you always hold out for that tiny little flake of white on Christmas morning.
6. Music. Everyone who says they hate Christmas music is lying. Yes, it's generally very bad, but that doesn't stop it filling you with a warm, squishy feeling of satisfaction that it's almost Christmas!
So you Scrooges out there who think that Christmas is a 'consumerism' holiday, or a 'waste of time and money', I think I speak for everyone that possesses festive spirit when I say sit down, shut up and accept the fact that nobody cares what you think, you miserable twerp.
And to the rest of you, Merry Christmas!!!
And not just the ones for myself. Naturally.
No, in all seriousness, I absolutely adore Christmas, and not just for the presents (which I'm not gonna lie, helps) but for the whole atmosphere. Birthdays are great because you spend a day being fantastically happy, but Christmas is so much greater because everybody is fantastically happy. It's the combination of everything that all comes together to culminate in the absolute best time of the year, and here's my little shortlist of what makes Christmas so awesome: -
1. Decorations - let's face it, who can walk past a fairylight-strewn, snowman model-adorned, wreath-smothered house without feeling just a little bit more cheerful? The Removal of the Christmas Decorations is quite possibly the most depressing day of the year (when I was little I used to lock myself in the bathroom and refuse to participate in such sacrilege), in the same way that putting them up is one of the most exciting.
2. Food - do I really need to explain this? Free chocolate, Yorkshire puddings and brandy cream - but not all together (hopefully that was obvious).
3. Family - Christmas day is a day that everyone should spend with their family, and my own Christmas is generally full of laughter, alcohol, drunk adults, superb food (a la my auntie) and hilarious games that get progressively louder as the night goes on.
4. Friends. Christmas party + alcohol + friends = comedy. Lots and lot of comedy.
5. Weather - now I know that everybody hates December weather; it's cold and wet, but when I refer to weather I'm talking about what you hope the weather will be, rather than what it is. Every year, people hear the word 'snow' on the weather forecast, completely tune out and subsequently ring everyone in the phonebook, informing them that this year it really will be a white christmas, and you know so because it was on BBC News. What you missed was the fact that they actually said "Snow is a possbility for the highlands in and around Scotland," but, despite the fact that it has never happened before, you always hold out for that tiny little flake of white on Christmas morning.
6. Music. Everyone who says they hate Christmas music is lying. Yes, it's generally very bad, but that doesn't stop it filling you with a warm, squishy feeling of satisfaction that it's almost Christmas!
So you Scrooges out there who think that Christmas is a 'consumerism' holiday, or a 'waste of time and money', I think I speak for everyone that possesses festive spirit when I say sit down, shut up and accept the fact that nobody cares what you think, you miserable twerp.
And to the rest of you, Merry Christmas!!!
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