Deep Stuff

I don't usually post personal, deep stuff on this blog, but tonight I think I will, for three reasons. One, I have a cold and am feeling even more self-pitying than usual. Two, I'm still going through my video-blogging obsessive phase (you'll see why this is relevant). Three, it never occurred to me to post deep stuff on here until my friends Roz and Lewis started doing it. For the record, if you care, this blog is going to make a lot more sense if you read an earlier blog I posted called 'My Friend Rosalind'. In other words, it's very personal and therefore probably not very interesting to anybody that doesn't know me.....

Anyway, the thing I intended to focus my newfound deepness (or depth, as people who speak the English Language usually refer to it......) on is that feeling I'm sure we've all felt of being....secondary. Like there's always someone who is just that little bit better than you in that little way that doesn't actually matter to anyone but yourself. I suppose it's kind of an insecurity, except I've never considered myself an insecure person - I'm too blunt for that; it would be amazingly hypocritical of me to get immediately impatient with someone for being insecure when it was something I suffered from myself (though actually......that's made me think twice.......).

Ach, I'm waffling again - I never seem to be able to get to the point quickly on these bloody blogs....

Right. Quick and straightforward. The two people I've been watching the most on YouTube are Charlie McDonnell (charlieissocoollike) and Alex Day (nerimon), who are both very popular (but Charlie moreso) vloggers, best friends and flatmates. Both also have written blogs, and though I've read some of Charlie's, I only stumbled on to Alex's about half an hour ago - and I was quite surprised by what I found there. Because much as I love Charlie, I have to say that I felt more of a.....I suppose 'kinship' is an appropriate word here, but 'connection' and 'relatibility' would do nicely (if relatability is, in fact, a word) - to Alex. He's generally more sarcastic, angrier and with more of a biting sense of humour - in other words, more like me. And then it hit me. I am the Alex to Roz's Charlie.

The parallels are eerie. Charlie and Roz are mild-mannered, quirky, easygoing, a bit shy and ultimately very loveable. Alex and myself are sarcastic, cynical, somewhat angry, honest to the point of outright brusqueness and very slightly bitter over our failings in comparison to our best friends (though I should point out here that Alex is also hysterically funny). Obviously these are very generalised statements - I clearly don't know Charlie or Alex personally and am sure they are much deeper than I just made them sound, but the point still stands. But if you looked at those two lists, you would probably consider that Roz (and Charlie) is (are) probably a more likeable person (people) than myself (and Alex). And you're probably right. And of course there are some ways in which I'd excel further than Roz - I'm more independent, gobby and much more willing to use punctuation (Roz has an inexplicable and - to grammar nerds like myself - intensely frustrating habit of eschewing all commas).

And there was really no point to this realisation, because it doesn't change anything. Despite my kinship with Alex Day, I'd still marry Charlie (though admittedly, a large part of that is because Alex is considerably shorter and skinnier than me) - but that's exactly the worrying part. So I'm very sorry if you prefer the casual sarcasm I usually employ in my blog, but everything I've just offloaded can be excused by this simple fact - I am poorly, and on a LOT of cold-relief capsules right now...